I loved you with the fire RED....now it's turning BLUE..

Things haven't been so good for some of my friends and for me. I have been through tragic events in my life but I realize that my heartbreak is nothing compared to all the problems other people are facing. Everyone is in truth searching for HAPPINESS, they may deny this fact but I believe this to be true across all facets of humanity. I believe that the only thing that differs between individuals is what they "think" makes them happy. Some search for truth,for answers to satisfy their need to know what is really going on in this world, some search only for their basic needs since they do not have the basics, how can they even begin to be happy? Others search for purpose by trying to make a name for themselves in this world.....the struggle for prominence is only a "human thing" Some search for wealth which would supposedly lead to their comfort and ultimately their happiness.Yet others search for LOVE, I spoke to one such person yesterday and her search for Love seems to have taken her to great ends. That desire is within all of us but for some it is greatly associated with their happiness. I have found Love but I had to cut my losses and escape before my search takes me to a point of no return! I just realized that there are BIGGER things in life than Love....LIFE itself is more precious than Love....I don't believe we can find Love if we don't find meaning in our life first. I had been thinking deeply about many things and I know that with everything in my life, I just need to "have a little faith" and everything will be alright :)

Whatever you are facing in your life....in your struggle to find what makes YOU happy, I wish you well and I hope that you find what it is that you are searching for!

"she said my name"

I called someone special yesterday,we spoke for an hour about many things.....it was the best conversation I've ever had :) but what really surprised me was that she said my name! her voice was very soft and caring. The sweetest thing I've ever heard! I always believed I deserved better people in my life as "close friends" but I didn't realize how true that was until yesterday. I also spoke to her twin :P it was the most beautiful thing in the world to be able to relate to what she believed which is EXACTLY what I believed and when she explained something I already seemed to know what it was that she was trying to say =) I hung up feeling very warm inside...maybe that was because it was warm in my room :P We've had so much heat in the city this week. I've had to walk around half naked in my home...Anyway things are looking up for me and I believe that I have many more things in my life to do and to be satisfied in doing! I have work today......those mean people never take it easy on me:P

"A new beginning"

Since Fiji is placed almost along the international date line, it means that I am one of the first people to see the new year :D

Every year I use resolutions to enhance or to prove myself. This year I have a few business goals....my ideas of expansion mostly.I commit myself to certain changes that will benefit me in some way. I haven't thought of anything but my spiritual health. My physical health hasn't been too good either. I still have a nasty cough and it refuses to go away. I still have some carrots in my garden and I have hope that my life will slowly piece together once I get back to basics.I still have this pain in my side.....but I will endure it as long as I know that my love is not lost! I am happy that I have become more committed to myself which is what I used to be.I still have a dark sadness that has settled over me but I'm slowly washing away the pain.....just like the rain that washes away the dirt on my window ...someone told me life is pain....I believe this to be a half truth. Life is pain but it can also be a beautiful thing :) I have experienced such beauty in my life and I have experienced so much love that I cannot believe that life is ALL pain and no gain....I gained so much from living....and I hope to gain a lot more in my life :) but I also like to share too :P

I'm looking at the publish button so I can hit it at exactly midnight.....that will make this one of the first posts, if not the first post this year :D

bloody hell my time zone was wrong :P oh well...nvm

"red meat is okay...but avoid blue-green meat"

My life and my progress has been halted by certain "developments" I believe I can get back on track but I know it will take a lot more effort to do so. I have been pondering my next few steps very carefully, it starts with an "ending" and a "new beginning" will follow it, the problem is.....the "ending" is dragging on like a woman getting dressed :P I have been unable to work on my new beginnings as yet but I figure I will just go ahead and wait for the ending later. This is not something easy, in fact it is one of the most complex situations since it involves emotions. Human emotion is one of the most complex entities on earth, I think.....it is human emotion that is responsible for the great things in the world but it is also human emotion that destroys most of the good things. I am just allowing myself to heal naturally and allowing time to pick up where I left off and to keep going, to endure all that life is throwing at me :) I feel good about myself for allowing "time" for others to respond to a situation. It is only fair. I do believe I can make a decent come back after this.....I am down but not out! :)

"when I finally got my head together...my body fell apart"

it has been a hard struggle to alleviate the things that hinder my progress....I have got my act together slowly and I am getting better :) I miss my family. It's just me and my bro now...we're taking care of ourselves.....it feels alright.

With the festive mood in the air, I got a gift from one of my valued customers :D He said he appreciates the service.......He is a diplomat and he loves his job and people :) I think he is cool. Well there are many things that have been lagging behind but my workouts are still going...I've ripped myself a good set of abs...hehe.....it's all coming along so well :)

And my carrots.....there's still 1 or 2 left. I will let it grow until it can grow no more.....or I run out of veggies....lol

I have given myself a lot of thinking space....I have also made a new friend :) but I still stay close to my old ones. There is so much I want to do and I am glad to do it. Work is slow as people wind down for their Christmas break. The stores are so capitalizing on this holiday...I bought a water purifying kit yesterday, but I still think I will buy FIJI water...

Anyway this is my $129 bottle of Scotch.........haha I thought it was cheap until my brother told me...."bro, this thing is expensive"....he would know...he's the alco:P...perhaps I'll sell it to him? haha or maybe not...I wanna drink it...it will make me feel expensive...lol......or just drunk :P

"some people say I'm superficial....but thats just on the surface"

Some idiot reported my youtube video so I had to change hosts. Anyway, I am not really a big fan of youtube....I am sad that Nathan is dead but I'm happy that I'm still alive.....I think? :P I have done a lot of working out lately...but my cough makes it hard to stand,just doing my lower abs because it helps with posture and "other things". I had no work yesterday(actually I had work but I didn't go...hehe) I will go and work on my friend C's computer.She hasn't got her data yet(apparently I have now become a data recovery expert of some sort to her...) I will do it, but it's not a priority. I thought I had no more carrots but I was wrong,there were some carrots that the monster didn't eat :P. I bought and awesome MONITOR!! :D A Mitsubishi/NEC Diamond Pro 2070SuperBright. It is soooooo humongus!! I love it to death.......awesome for video/photo/editing and artwork on illustrator and photoshop. OR just watching Heroes and Prison Break....oh and IT'S SOOOOOO BIG!! lol..........I am soooooo not used to having a monitor about the size of my TV! It's amazing.........okay here is a pic...my fingers are long...so that will indicate size...20 inches of pure viewing pleasure!!!!


it's just huge...and everything looks big....haha...I got it at an absolute steal :D under $200

"it is only the beginning"

I still feel a little unsteady but I have been hanging around my good friends :) that gives me comfort. Today is my Medical Examination and I am still sick with this cough thing. My mom pulled out the last of my carrots and she said there was nothing growing anyway :( Things just couldn't be worse for me but I keep a positive attitude...besides things can't get any worse, right? (usually does.....when you say that) anyhoo....I didn't only lose a dear friend I also lost a hero :( He was brave and he had the courage to tell the truth despite what it would cost him....little did he know, it would cost him his life! but he died a brave man and I admire him for that. He makes up for his past "selfishness" in full :)

Nathan....I love you!

"it's complicated"

My life has taken a complicated turn,based on a response by my gf. I just reacted and here I am.......listening to a song that now describes my love life....it's far from over, but I am staying strong. I have been used as a means to an end. I've been cheated and lied to.....I'm just giving up and walking away.....not exactly what I would normally do...BUT ...>>"IT'S COMPLICATED"

"wisdom is proven by application"

A huge span of time has passed since I updated my blog. There were many reasons behind this but the main reason is ME. I wasn't as dedicated, as honest, as decent as I was when I started writing this blog.I have sabotaged my own progress.Circumstances in my life had changed and along with it...me :( I hoped that this change would be for the better....I hoped for progress but instead I was going backward and this fact discouraged me and made me lose sight of my goals to improve myself.Here I am with everything seemingly lost and wasted....trying again to put the pieces of my life back together. I am happier now and I am relieved because I know that certain things in my life need attention. I have neglected part of me that has contributed so much to my personality but in realizing this I also realize the importance of my spirituality.I need to keep trying to do what is right....but sometimes our consciences and our thinking and our reasoning is so warped that we cannot make good solid decisions.So for me there is only one way I know to get back a good conscience :)

Today, I also heard some wisdom from a total stranger and what got to me was the fact that it took a stranger to get through to me....what my family and my friends have been trying to tell me for such a long time! I am going back to my family and friends because today I realized just how much they love and care about me :)

Cheers to Z:)

"Never let the facts get in the way of a good argument"

I've had crappy days,weeks,months and even years.....but they'll be there for me...when the rain starts to pour.....they'll be there for me....like they've been there before.....yeah the people I call my friends:) and a very special friend has been with me throughout this time :) Well I am feeling better these days but now one of my friends is dealing with some heartbreak issues :( it seems like a season of heartbreak for my girlfriend(thats my friend who happens to be a girl..hehe) She has been a good friend to me and now I just feel I need to be there for her. The world throws at us so many things and we just love to catch the good stuff but we also get a lot of crap and bad things...we don't like but I guess we need to deal with it coz it makes us stronger people :)

Thats a pic of moms gerbera...so beautiful:) my carrots can be seen on the bottom right hand corner....well...there is only one or two remaining now :( but......with beautiful flowers like this....it's no wonder mom pulled my carrots out :P

it all started with a headache!

Today I really do have to see a doctor.....I am sick...depressed and just can't seem to shake this all round "lousy" feeling :( I think it has to do with the work I've been doing....I've been working so hard to become a better person.....and the moment I stop trying....I lose myself, my identity as a Christian hangs in by a thread! What really bothers me is how much work I stand to lose if I let myself stay in this deplorable state....my efforts to be a better person seems futile against my tendency to be "bad" to be just like all the "bad boys" out there.....I used to be sickened by people like that....but hanging around more girls who love bad boys...I just wanna show off I guess....congratulations man! you are now a fully fledged idiot :) I don't know how I got into this mess(so I keep saying) but I know deep inside me that I chose this and now I have to deal with it. The choices we make can affect others around us.....but it will greatly affect us, because we are the ones making the decision. I had my mom try to help me...my gf tried to help me too....but I fear that their efforts have been in vain :( This cloud of doom and emotional uncertainty now hangs over my head once again. I know of only one place that can comfort me....and only 1 person in the universe that can give me the strength and wisdom needed to pull myself out of this hole I have dug myself into!

"I'm not overweight, I'm chocolate enriched "

I had the biggest headache EVER! yesterday.....it hurt so bad I had to stay in bed...to deal with the pain:( It was sooo sudden that I had planned and made arrangements to be at work at 9:30am but......at around 9am I started feeling a knife in my head....it hurt like hell.....but me, being a man :P I just brushed it off...yeah RIGHT! it turned me into a wuss :P lol.....I was immobilized by this nuisance...I couldn't work, I couldn't even chat to my friends :( I was stuck at home so...>I didn't meet M......I am feeling a bit better today....I went to see a doctor :P and this is my sick sheet:)
yep...thats my doctor...lol!

"Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?"

Maybe it's a sign? :P

On Friday in the middle of my mad rush to make a living...and to get some food, I came across a sign...it really stood out and I had such a dream when I saw it :) anyway, I took a pic but I soon forgot about it....I haven't been updating my life...I feel like I'm falling behind on everything and the world is whizzing past me :( Today was a delightful day though, I met someone "unexpected" :) actually, she met me :) I was called in to sort out some email issues but I rushed to get to hospital this morning so I didn't have...bf, so I popped into my favorite fast food joint...to visit my uncle Ronnie again, ordered a bf meal and sat down to eat....I was halfway through my ELT burger when I felt someone touch my right arm...it was a familiar warm touch...ahem:P I turned to see M :) she still looks great! I hadn't seen her in ages....she is now busy with work...as one of the graphic artists for our local daily. She seemed so "vibrant" and "carefree" as usual :) She asked me for a few things to do with her computer....so it seems like I have more worked lined up for me!..uhm...yay.....I have to negotiate a good ISP package for another customer of mine....many things to do....so little time...I expect everything to run......yeah...just run...I don't expect anything to run smoothly...but somedays...it can be happen!...lol




bf: breakfast
ELT: Egg Lettuce Tomato