still stuck :(

I got my injection yesterday, it was a real pain in the a** :P literally! hehe....I also weighed myself yesterday and I was still the same weight :( 68K I think it is because I am still under emotional stress...I sure hope this will go away soon and I can reach my former ideal weight of 74K anyway, I got another message from Kathy and this time she asks me a few questions that she already knows the answer to....but for the sake of getting over this, I did not answer. I am sorry that I cannot be there for her like I used to, but I think that after the worst is over...she will be fine. I feel so crushed with each message but, I am determined to do what I have decided to do. I feel so empty physically but emotionally,I have the support of my friends and family to help me get through this and my work to keep me busy.I only hope that she finds comfort in this difficult time.

another journey begins!

I got a message from Kathy and it made me feel so sad...but I knew not to reply....if she was ever going to get over me, and if I am going to move on,this is what I needed to do....It doesn't hurt as much now because I have filled the void in my life with God and my dear friends...and because I am keeping myself busy. I am feeling happy about my progress and I have to put some goals up and then make a positive move towards attaining them! Emotionally, I am still not in a good state to make any goals,but I will put up some ideas and some thoughts on how I plan to fulfill certain objectives I have in mind.....er...uhm...tomorrow :P
I definitely need to work on my procrastination...it is a major weakness I hope to eradicate completely! :S

my long journey ends ;)

finally I am home, tired but happy! had the best 3 days ever! I truly feel blessed!

I remember everything that you were to me.....

For the sake of her privacy, which she is very particular about! I will refer to my former lover as Kathy throughout my blog.

It is the first day and I am in the process of restoring myself after a messy breakup,no matter how hard you try and make it easy or clean, you never can end it in a nice way or quickly :( There is NO nice way to end a relationship that is very intimate. I remember how intimate we got, and I remember being unsure, feeling rushed, she never really understood why I felt that way, since I didn't really try to tell her :( because I wanted her so much, my heart was leading me away from what I knew.Indeed,based on my knowledge of the bible, which I had left well behind me, when pursuing what my heart wanted. I cannot serve my God and yet pursue what my heart wanted. Serving God is a selfless path, the total opposite of doing what I want. I have tried to reason with her, she has failed to see reason,her values are different from mine..Today I bought a blank DVD to put away all my memories of her, I have to look at it again :( to select what I need to remove from my computer.

I am burning these memories away
crying these tears away
hoping that someday
Love will find a way

I am leaving my fears behind
turning to God who is kind
hoping one day she will find
the savior of mankind

I know it will not be easy
so I keep myself ever so busy
In my work and in my ministry
trying to retain my negative,positivity

I live not for myself but for my Father now
no longer for the present, the "here and now"
I do his will and in his name I profess
I know this decision my God will bless

If this is really the bitter end so be it
for what comes after is said to be sweet
If this is only the beginning then let it be
For only God can judge this love between you and me!

Burn process completed successfully! Total Size 1.774 Gigabytes Total Time: 6:52

I wish it would rain :'(

Sunshine,blue skies,please go away...my love has found another, and with her went my future
And day after day I stay locked up in my room :(
I know to you it might sound strange but I wish that it would rain
wash away the sorrow and pain

It hurts so badly I wanna stay outside
Coz everyone knows that I'm not supposed to cry
I've got to cry coz crying eases my pain
All this hurt I feel inside words can't even explain
I just wish it would rain, wash away this pain

The anguish of my distant pain thrust against my window pane
My heart searches the skies desperately for rain
If I can hide my tear drops no one would ever know
That I'm crying, crying each time I walk out the door

Everytime I look up to the skies, what do I see?
The raindrops from the heavens they're falling down on me
what do I have to do to end this crazy mess and pain
The hurt and memories they're still driving me insane
God tell me,what I have to do to make it right
Stop this heartache this struggle and this strife
I wish it would rain especially tonight
Let me feel the teardrops gushing down my eyes
Can you please just let it rain
wash away my tears and pain.....

Dedicated to the source of my pain and tears :(

I am a Work In Progress :)

This blog is about my personal life and my attempts to be a better person. My goals, my dreams and my plans. I consider myself to be a "work in progress" (WIP) hence my title. In life we have many difficult decisions to make and I will write about them here. I have made progress until this point in time and I will write, when I can, on this page. I will share some of my thoughts and feelings, this is meant for someone special that I care about very much and I have done this NOT only for myself but for others to see how I am doing in this little thing called life :) I will also express myself lyrically. Happy reading :)