it all started with a headache!

Today I really do have to see a doctor.....I am sick...depressed and just can't seem to shake this all round "lousy" feeling :( I think it has to do with the work I've been doing....I've been working so hard to become a better person.....and the moment I stop trying....I lose myself, my identity as a Christian hangs in by a thread! What really bothers me is how much work I stand to lose if I let myself stay in this deplorable state....my efforts to be a better person seems futile against my tendency to be "bad" to be just like all the "bad boys" out there.....I used to be sickened by people like that....but hanging around more girls who love bad boys...I just wanna show off I guess....congratulations man! you are now a fully fledged idiot :) I don't know how I got into this mess(so I keep saying) but I know deep inside me that I chose this and now I have to deal with it. The choices we make can affect others around us.....but it will greatly affect us, because we are the ones making the decision. I had my mom try to help me...my gf tried to help me too....but I fear that their efforts have been in vain :( This cloud of doom and emotional uncertainty now hangs over my head once again. I know of only one place that can comfort me....and only 1 person in the universe that can give me the strength and wisdom needed to pull myself out of this hole I have dug myself into!