I remember everything that you were to me.....

For the sake of her privacy, which she is very particular about! I will refer to my former lover as Kathy throughout my blog.

It is the first day and I am in the process of restoring myself after a messy breakup,no matter how hard you try and make it easy or clean, you never can end it in a nice way or quickly :( There is NO nice way to end a relationship that is very intimate. I remember how intimate we got, and I remember being unsure, feeling rushed, she never really understood why I felt that way, since I didn't really try to tell her :( because I wanted her so much, my heart was leading me away from what I knew.Indeed,based on my knowledge of the bible, which I had left well behind me, when pursuing what my heart wanted. I cannot serve my God and yet pursue what my heart wanted. Serving God is a selfless path, the total opposite of doing what I want. I have tried to reason with her, she has failed to see reason,her values are different from mine..Today I bought a blank DVD to put away all my memories of her, I have to look at it again :( to select what I need to remove from my computer.

I am burning these memories away
crying these tears away
hoping that someday
Love will find a way

I am leaving my fears behind
turning to God who is kind
hoping one day she will find
the savior of mankind

I know it will not be easy
so I keep myself ever so busy
In my work and in my ministry
trying to retain my negative,positivity

I live not for myself but for my Father now
no longer for the present, the "here and now"
I do his will and in his name I profess
I know this decision my God will bless

If this is really the bitter end so be it
for what comes after is said to be sweet
If this is only the beginning then let it be
For only God can judge this love between you and me!

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