"the young know the rules, the old know the exceptions"

I'm a little older now, hopefully, thats means more wisdom....I had been laying low, dreaming, thinking and searching for something new and enchanting to captivate me and keep me sufficiently motivated....to live :) I managed to find such a wonder in someone that I have known for a while....I believe that humans are beautiful creatures...

We have the ability to :

1 be courageous under oppression.

2 find love in the face of all obstacles

3 feel joy despite the most unfavorable conditions plague us.

4 experience peace when the entire world seems to be at war,

5 be patient despite the timer placed on our fragile lives

6 show kindness when it doesn't serve us to do so

7 be good :)

8 be faithful until death do us part 

I personally feel that we are capable of great things.....it is only that we decide to NOT to be our best..hence my quest for self improvement...it isn't an easy one but I always try to do my best....some may see this as some sort of superiority complex....which is totally wrong, I just wanna be the best I can be :D and my personal best may not be anyone else's 

I enjoy what I do and I find that I can do it well...with a little help from my friends that is :) well, at least from the ones who support me :P

I did this test and I found out that I am a Michael lol 

Which Prison Break Character Are You?

More on Prison Break. Created by BuddyTV

OLAY! hope that is a spanish word :P

Walking in Albany

On Wednesday the 7th of January I went up to the "North Shore" to see my dear friend,she has been through alot lately and I wanted to be there for her, I had sensed her distress and I felt her pain. I have the qualities of one of those "empaths" not sure if there are such things but I know that I sometimes feel the pain of others because I put mysef in their shoes....almost literally sometimes, just to see how it feels. I have been feeling sad and because somehow I felt her emptiness inside me...that is why I wanted to see her so much....I wanted to comfort her because, it would comfort me too...she wanted to see me and I thought it would be great :) 

I started my way by first giving my nephew a bath and then......giving myself a bath :P yeah, I was dirty.....looking at my project I'm happy it has been 8.25days! anyway, back to my story, I dressed in my "usual" fashion...nothing too fancy, after all I was going to see someone I was so comfortable with, so I got dressed and made my way out to the catch the bus (my sister took the car and the other car needed a driver...and I can't drive :(........yet;) I walk out to the bus stop and see this old lady standing there......so I stand casually on the side of the the road.....thinking about how great the sunshine is and the day that lay ahead of me......then I see this guy in uniform make his way toward me...and he has a look in his eye that is "suspect" I realize that he is a police officer and I know the mind of a police officer since my dad was a cop.....so I remain calm and fight the urge to run...lol I just stand there and wait for his.....questions...he gets to me then asks "Is your name Isaac?" then I say in a very matter-of-fact way "nope" haha....typical ME :P he then asks me I've seen anyone loitering about and his questions seemed very accusing but...hey, I would think like this guy.....anyway he leaves to beat some other bush and the old lady starts talking to me......telling me of her sadness and her struggles of living "South side" I nod in agreement even though I probably don't truly know the depth of her feelings with her expressions of disappointment....I do understand that South Auckland is widely known as a place that is not safe to live in ( I have yet to see evidence of this...people have lived in worse places) the media has depicted South Auckland as a hell hole but I believe that it is highly exaggerated....so after a few minutes chatting to this lovely old lady we hop on the bus....she gets off near a school and I get off and catch the train to the city......when I get there I call this girl I've been talking to for almost 3 months and I haven't seen her for so long...we start talking as I tell her where I am....I can hear the excitement in her voice as I tell her that I am getting on the bus....she had been waiting since early in the morning (when I woke her up) expecting to see me sooner but I was held up by a little kid...lol my nephew, he is such a needy thing!

So there I am on the bus and I notice that people are staring at me, foreigner from another town,people on the North Shore haven't seen southerners before?? weird! lol...anyway, I'm talking to her the whole way there and I'm loving it (of coures :D) I tell her to get out quick and start walking coz I'm almost there.....so she does, the bus stops at the bus station and I get out to see if I can spot her, and I did...I have nice eyes....so I'm told :P When I saw her...she looked great but I didn't really let her know that much....until later :P

she had a skip in her step that just got me all excited.....she came over and gave me a great BIG hug...and she lifted her legs off the ground (wow, she actually trusted me not to drop her....she was fairly heavy...but uhm...I was super...errrm strong ;) I held on tight and it felt a little strange....coz we haven't seen each other for so long! We were a bit like strangers but that feeling soon went away after we started walking to....uhm we don't know..lol we just walked :) We got to a junction along the road and we would just say....okay lets go there.....and we agree....and walk....until I came up to EAST COAST ROAD....I had been down that road before...I know where it leads..."to da beach y'all!!" :D We decided to go down to the beach.....I had no clue how far it is when you're NOT IN A CAR..lol I led her down the road...until we came to a sign that says "BUSH WALK" so we were feeling adventurous and decided to go down some bushes....we hoped it would lead us to the beach but..instead...it led us to someones back yard....lol and so we had to go back up to the road..

we then got thirsty so we looked for a water,I swear water never tasted so great!....it was a real struggle to walk up the hill though..so two bushwalkers came back up to the main road and continued on their quest to find sand and sea! We stopped at almost every other bus stop to take shelter from the ultra-violet rays of the beautiful burning star in the sky....and to talk and comfort each other....ahem, then on we went...we bought a single bottle of water and we shared it until finally she spots the beach.....her excitement was made evident by her skipping.....so cute :) we reach there and we take the walk on the beach we've always wanted.....but not exactly how we imagined it.....then she takes a dip and asks me to join her...but I was more worried about not having any change of clothes.....and looking after my belongings...so I took pics of her while she was walking into the water and jokingly said that I was going to baptize her......I really got her with that one...lol the water was disgusting though, not quite as appealing as the beaches back home.....it was so eeew! she was probly the nicest thing in the water :P 

We finished and walked back.....a long long way....thats around 10 Kilometers in total!!! she was pretty fit...able to keep up with me...and my backpack...the additional weight on my back was really killing me.....but I tried my best to ignore it coz...I didn't wana look like a sissy boy :P We stop at a few bus stops (and under a tree) on the way back, she put me at ease and she brought tranquility to my mind and happiness to my heart...BUT this time, I liked her more as a friend...however,I found myself feeling some tension toward her....so I kissed her and it was nice, I enjoyed it but it wasn't the same as what we had when we first met, and we were both glad we got that out of the way :)....but I loved walking with her more...holding her hand...it seems our hands fit together so perfectly....she gave me the comfort I craved for....I enjoyed her warm hugs....it was delightful :D her presence made me happy.....

This is something funny that she saw....when she was holding my hand,she noticed the colors...she said neapolitan ice scream.....and we laughed so hard!! lol aaaah "crack up" she always says that :P

 

"I love you THIS much!" :P

this is one she took of me...she isn't much of a photographer...but its okay :P 

We sat under this tree and had the most meaningful discussion about life,love....and God and it felt so good to see how she responded...because she never really believed in God...she totally amazed me with her understanding and her desire to know more :) I left feeling so happy and accomplished...she was satisfied with her goal to reach the beach and I was happy that I got to talk deeply with her....we connected so much that I did not want to leave her...but the sun was setting (at 9pm....lol) and I had to catch the bus home...so she gave me one last hug and I got on the bus.....I already started to miss this wonderful woman....I was looking forward to seeing her again....this was a great walk :) Thanks my sweet panda...x

I got no spanish words today...its all ENGLISH :)

A new horizon, a new life, an old goal :)

It's the beginning of another new year.....and this new year was my first year away from home, also the most uneventful one I have ever had...I spent the last minutes of the last year telling my girl-- friend how I feel about her...and the first minutes hearing how she felt about me....and discussing my crazy project knawon! I had decided to do something silly for 1 whole year....it is totally crazy, I have done this before....http://imawip.blogspot.com/2007/08/temptation-to-quit-will-be-greatest.html. That was a tough time for me...I'm killing a desire, I just hope I don't kill myself in the process....many of my friends here are saying that it is impossible...I am not sure if anyone has ever done this...but I'm sure I'm not the first person to ever attempt such insanity,or am I?? if you're wondering what the hell I'm going on about then.....just ask me..lol

Of cos project knawon seems totally pointless but, its my baby :) I have a counter in the corner to keep tract of my progress throughout this year...which I believe would be my craziest year ever! :) I'm in a world of new opportunities, I'm in a position to start a new life, but I still have the same goal...to be better! I am indeed a work in progress and I don't think that will ever change, there are still so many things I want to change and yet many more things that I have come to accept about myself. I have been blogging about my boring self for almost 2 years! I can be a very committed person if I believe in a cause....a reason for doing something....but what has been motivating me lately....has been very shallow reasons, that is probably why my life feels so boring and sad but I want to change all that....make things better, BE BETTER! :)

yEs that is a new banner....ahem, it is a bit lame but....I'll change it when I find more time to go photoshopping :P I don't feel any different from how I was last year but I definitely feel like my year hasn't been a totally waste, but I believe I could have been better......I miss my friends so much....I feel like I will eventually lose my old friends and find new ones....it is almost like the way of things.....the circle of life that is mentioned in The Lion King...I always feel the same sad, nostalgic feeling I get when I watch the scene in that movie..I can still see Mufasa saying "You must take your place in the circle of life.Remember who you are..." I had such a great 2008! It has been one of the best years of my existence....I look forward to a great 2009.....

Thanks to all my readers, I wish you all the best for 2009! 

My spanish word for today is: cambio

The hunt continues....

I've been pouring over countless advertised job vacancies.....being very critical and picky (not the best way to look for work...lol) but I want to find something decent,for me it is important that my first full-time job here is something that I really love, I don't like those "transition jobs" that you do...uhm just becoz.....I am such an idiot, this was second motioned by my sister and further carried by my mom..in response to how I went about "looking for a job" FINE! lol 

They did have a point but I know that I wouldn't do well in a job that I don't have any real interest in......I had a relaxing day today, went for a walk, texted the girl that will supposedly haunt me later on....thanks Wilson...I'll keep that one in mind ;) I think that he does have a point, I recently gave some thought about keeping certain elements of my life and my blog-which is kind of the same thing..this blog is my actual life....and because it is a very accurate description of my life...it may be used as evidence against me in some trial or case against me....I saw that on TV, where facebook was used to investigate people. Perhaps my blog may be used as evidence in some sort of hearing....I write the whole truth here.....but some of it is highly dramatized :P lol....I feel that I need to get my hands into the dirt before I start losing my skills. I thought about going back to my old workplace but, I don't want to take a step back....but if there aren't any forward steps..i might as well start walking backwards :P

We had another cancellation to our class party.....how sad,one day....we'll finally have it.....I hope all my buddies are all good too and I wish them all the best in their young careers :) I finally got my much awaited song...Thanks to my friends delay tactics :P I didn't get to put it in my CD...well, I have big plans for next year but only time will tell how that all plays out....my planned trip to Texas is on a big hold at the moment....there is a huge depression.....I now know why they call it a depression....coz it makes those who dwell on the silly economic situation DEPRESSED! :P

Thanks Allen...another 15 inches huh? well, I'd like to think I have grown much more than a few mere inches :P.....well, all-in-all it has been a great time for me studying here....I wish I could be paid to explore this place coz there are just so many places just begging for me to explore!! Have a great weekend all and yeah.....happy holidays too...whatever it is you celebrate in this crazy time of the year! :)

Laterz....

my spanish word for today : vas - not used alone....brought to you by Maria :) thanks.x

Keep me flying,flying.....so free! :D GRADUATION CEREMONY

My graduation is today......yep, just a few more hours then I'm off to the magical city of Auckland to put a silly gown on and bask in my intelectual glory...oh joy :P what I would really love is to get a job and put all that fancy knowledge into practice.....I hope that I can be of some use to the IT industry here in New Zealand. My contribution would be among many from all across the pacific...uhm and India...NZ needs it and in light of the strengthening Fiji dollar....I just wanna say "I wanna go home!!" :( but, I am a man on a mission (as usual) I am here to finish my studies and go back for my already planned wedding in Fiji. Hopefully there is some sort of structure to my life that possibly appeals to people with their sanity, still in check. For crazy people like myself : "there is no spoon"  :D

A small "tap on the back,Jack" moment for me...is all I want for my graduation ceremony. My mom and my sister will be eyewitnesses of this moment as proof that I did do something worthwhile here in this beautiful country :) I have given myself a deadline....1 month. If I don't find a place in this new society within such a time frame I shall return to whence I came!

This is MY timeframe....the great people at New Zealand Immigration have been kind enough to give me 3 months..lol "Te Ratonga Manene" 

I had a hard time finding Auckland Domain.....we got a little lost but managed to find our way to the museum auditorium a little late....but still within time. 

When I sat down I was told by C-the lady standing on the top of the stairs that I had an award...I replied with a "nooo" and I checked the programme and yep, there it was "This award is presented in recognition of graduands who have above average achievement and have demonstrated strong commitment to quality and success" WOW!! I was very happy with my special award, there were 3 of us in my class with a special award. I received it gladly :D

I was flying on the wings of achievement on this night! overjoyed almost in tears.....but nobody likes a crybaby :P I played the whole event down coz I didn't think it was such a big deal....until I got there, and I could just feel the atmosphere, it may not have been a big deal for me but.....it was HUGE for those who had worked really hard and for those who made this their dream and their goal in life. This was just a stepping stone for me, I have bigger dreams and higher goals in life, my dreams and aspirations have changed since my time here has passed, I have learned so much, I have experienced enough about life to know a bit more about what I want in my own life :)

Now for the big question everyone would be asking..."Now what?" lol I'm not asking that question....I know what, just have to follow through. My girl-friend has been so strange with me, I had decided not to contact her for a while and now, I really don't want to talk to her....her personality has become dark and ugly, and even though I know it could be a phase, I just find her disgusting right now. I know she is fat (yes I can call her fat because she accepts and appreciates the truth from me) and she doesn't feel too good about herself right now but she painting such a rosy picture perfect picture that I just honestly don't buy....she is being superficial again...and I really don't know why she does this, she isn't herself and I can't stand her being like this anymore. I cannot be with someone who doesn't respect herself and who doesn't feel like she deserves anything good in her life. Of cos by the time I tell her this or by the time she reads this....she would have a different state of mind and she would definitely argue that this just isn't true.....crazy Panda :) I hope that she finds herself a good guy who is willing to put up with her crap and sort her out....coz I just can't deal with her bullsh*t anymore! I'm sorry :(

Anyway, that doesn't do anything to my buzz :) I'm moving on with life and I can't afford to let anything or ANYONE slow me down.....I would like to congratulate anyone in the world that is improving themselves in ANY way, whatever their achievement, I hope that it helps them become better people :)

My spanish word for today is : mejorar :D

"As we go on....we remember all the times we....had together..."

2000 post views yay :D!

thanks for reading everyone :)

I'm graduating in 2 days, all this excitement I've had has been building up to this moment.....I'm just amazed at how fast it all went by......I'm in a new country,the excitement of breaking into the IT industry here is really something I'm looking forward to. I have had many business ideas floating around in my head......just like many like minded New Zealanders out there. I have been sick the last 2 days, I hope it goes right through me, just in time for my big day on Monday. I'm trying to literally wash it out by drinking huge bottles of NZnatural spring water...lol I am happy with my progress so far...however,tiny and insignificant, it is progress nonetheless :) 

I spoke to S last Sunday and her prediction was right,I am writing about it..lol....she was super,really cool,really delicious and fun :) I missed her so much, she has changed alot and so have I....I am very happy with the positive changes I have made in my life, there are however, obvious negative changes that I need to work on...like my procrastination...I like to call it "procrastinational creativity" thanks for that one T :) uhm...yeah I'll sort that one out later :P

I had been working on the magento project and still no word from the people who were supposed to offer me an internship...I believe this is due the the recession. The New Zealand dollar fell below the Fiji dollar, really weird since 1 NZD usually buys around 0.88 FJD but today, you would get .98 FJD.....Amazing! The Fiji economy is on a recovery so any recession would not be as significant as it would be against a stronger dollar....as in the case of the NZ dollar (I am no economist, this is just my usually stab in the dark guess :P) Employers, are not hiring here in New Zealand and people are even being laid off...it is a huge crisis here and this is somewhat worrying for a graduate like me.....I am not so worried though,it is after all not my home country but...I feel for many who do live here..I always have my home and hopefully my business contacts...if I do go back. Everyone is telling me to go back home...but I don't feel that I am done here.....I certainly want to stay on for at least another 2 years. I want to go back to Fiji for my wedding though, if I still have a willing candidate :P I mean...bride...for now, I'm in a hazy point in my life where there is quite a lot of uncertainty floating around.....I will figure it out, I know that for sure..it is only a matter of time :)

Lombok Eastern styled furniture....

What is Lombok? well,you would probably be wondering what on earth is Lombok or more accurately, where on earth is Lombok??I was recently commissioned to review this website along with some of the finest furniture I have seen....with a price tag to match the very crafty authentic look. I googled Lombok quickly to find that it is an island located in Indonesia and is much like my island, with a small economy, and much of the inhabitants live off the sea and the land....Lombok has a rich history that has seen early Dutch settlers on it's shores as early as 1674, this seems to have inspired furniture makers in Europe to reflect the unique and history cultural elements in the magnificent furniture that is displayed on the site. I am not really into furniture and so I thought...hmmm...okay, this looks interesting but having had a look at their range of four poster beds. This is definitely something for tropical living like in Fiji, I especially like the Keraton four poster bed...very sexy and sleek....I discovered that the beds have been made out of Teak wood, which is one of the strongest and most weather resistant timbers in the world! This is just the type of product for resorts and hotels in Fiji. This is definitely a bed that would set the mood...or set you and your partner on fire ;) ...not literally though, any spontaneous combustion that results from the use of this bed is purely co-incidental :P There are also sideboards that really have a very traditional style to them....very classy and has an aged look to them.The website has a  checkout system that allows you to purchase all these great pieces of furniture online and a huge zoom window that gives you a closer look at the contents displayed on the left hand side of the screen. There are also really great wardrobes that shows off the wood grain, Teak is a very dark wood and has a distinct color that gives the appearance of something old and classy. I would say that these products all look great and can really add a touch of class to any home. I think they do have a touch of Lombok in the carving and design while still managing retain a modern,yet authentic element.

While I wasn't lucky enough to actually try out the furniture, I would definitely recommend them to those in the tourism industry, to all my Fiji readers who know someone in the tourism industry, this is a product well worth looking at :)

Hopefully I will get to review more great sites and great products......until then, its back to my usual!

My spanish word for today is : la cama

Well I'll be Googled!!!

I found out that that darn google car has finally phoned home and handed in the payload it has been carrying all this time.....I decided to check the new NZ google street views that this car has come up with....very secretly! Yes, Google has kept a low profile.....sneaking pics at people and vehicles that are on "street view" I sure pity the guy who has the job of blurring out all the faces(I know what actually does this though)....he seems to have blurred out my face very well though....I found myself in google street view...sitting at my favorite spot...I always sit there after a long day in class....around lunch time,munching away at my "burger meal" from Steve's :D I love that place.....anyway, I sit at the park to relax and have my lunch most times...but little did I know, that Google is watching!!! 

For those who don't know...Google maps has a new feature called "street view" and it was previously unavailable in New Zealand..until 2nd December 2008! yay! New Zealand is the 7th country to get this latest craze.....and I discovered myself on it...what are the chances of that happening?? 1 in a googillion :P 

https://goo.gl/maps/qfrvbgNHEHRTGUyg7

Yep that is ME! having my usual "burger meal" I love this park, it is relaxing....I remember that red car....I remember this like it was yesterday,BOY! I sure look like a sad lonely guy..lol! maybe coz I am! :D at least I'm happy I get to be on Google maps..hehe :P

I also found the Victoria street bus stop where I first met Ayla-Jane :D

AWESOME STUFF GOOGLE! :) 

My spanish word for today is: comiendo :P

"The whole enchilada"

I had been busy with a few things,my websites are being tweaked....and my mom is here so...I gotta behave..lol I always do anyway. My little bro couldn't make it but...it just feels good to have more family here....I'm happy with that :D

I finally got the new Akon album "freedom" which is kind of an ironic title since Akon made his millions being a "Konvict" and being "locked up" naming his record label Konvict Music...as my friend said, "there is only so much Akon anyone can take" and who would have thought that nasal sound would actually be cool....I bet he could sing with a blocked nose and still get his fans all in a stir...lol but all the jokes aside, I have uhm....."acquired" this album and found it to be quite interesting. There were so many rips and leaked tracks out before the release of this album on December 2nd but I couldn't uhm....find it at the record store....darn! 

I've finally got my results and...they're really great :D Yes I'm a bit of a show off....but this was baby stuff compared to the work I was doing back home...still, I am really happy with my results....I was hoping for Merit or Excellence on my ethics and professionalism paper...I really did a great job on that...but I should just be happy with being a straight A student......I didn't think I could stand a whole year studying...and it is a good thing I only spent a total of 7 months :)

I have my graduation ceremony on the 15th....I have to wear silly looking clothes for that...YUCK! my girl-friend seems to think its hot though....but I think NOT! lol I feel like it will surely make my geekiness full. I am not a total geek, at least I don't consider myself to be coz I do have a life outside of my computer....I am just very passionate about what I do! :)

I also watched the final episode of Prison Break! :D It was KILLER!...it really was, I sure hope there are a few more episodes coz.....it really hasn't ended in my head....." 

My spanish word for today is "cárcel"

Hey Rusty, I have something for special for you... redacted..

I can read your poker face

Have you ever woke up with a feeling that you KNOW EVERYTHING! I woke up this morning, and I just knew everything....I just had a deep awareness of everything around me. It was definitely a moment of heightened self awareness! I just knew what was going to happen to me before it happened.I really thought I was going crazy so I googled it to see if anyone else had ever felt this feeling....the results were unsatisfying and very commercial just like everything else in this crazy world.I did,however find some interesting things when I typed "why do I feel like I know everything" into the google search box.I found an article on google.It helped me to realize my feelings for Ayla-Jane is somewhat childish...similar to something that happens to the 7th grader asking about love.I also realize that if I really wanted to love somebody, I would need to spend an incredible amount of time getting to know them. I really want to get to know her, I realized that I was jealous of her ex-boyfriend.This weirdness and madness led me to take myself away from the situation so that I can look at it without my emotions getting in the way. I think that I have been acting childish and it is time for me to take some drastic action. While I told her that I want to distance myself from her......but I'll be back, as I usually am :) I just need some time to figure out what is going on with my emotions.I also know that I can be happy during this "alone" time :) It has been a crazy crazy time for me....but I am glad that I have found this very special person....she does make me really happy.I know she loves her ex and that is perhaps the most real and the most reliable feeling in her life right now! There is uncertainty and doubt in her heart and mind about who I am because the honest truth is, she doesn't KNOW me! I am happy that I have come to this point in my life. Yes I only feel like I know everything, I know that I don't..lol no one does,only God! I am going to get back to my usual routines, and if she wants to be with me....she knows where to find me! :) I love you Ayla-Jane! Listening to Only God knows why by Kid Rock....

Magento!

The good people at the place I applied for my internship decided that they would dangle that carrot over me a little longer.....I have a second task to work on, I have to customize and test their magento script. I am not gonna make the site public just yet for fear of my behind being hung on the line when someone hacks the site....things with my girl have cooled off for now,all dat heat needs some downtime...haha...we need to come back down to earth.....well our breakup story is the craziest...wildest and also the funniest ever! "crack up" lol mmmm....this girl is so intoxicating! shes on my mind 24/7.....but yeah,I can be very focussed when I need to be, when I really want to be......I've been busy babysitting and working from home, I am loging in and modifying product catalogs and development API's before I actually test it as "john john" lol..my shopping cart works...but I'm having issues setting up a products page.

I wanted to talk to my Panda today but....it seems that she was busy.....I am dedicating this post to a very special person...it was the 18th yesterday and NO I haven't forgotten about you Sily! :) You're still a very special person to me......I'm sorry if I made it seem like what we had meant nothing....you still mean alot to me, but this is means sooo much more to me and no I'm not obsessed over this girl...it is the total opposite! :) I am anything but obsessed....I am in love with her but,she is not my obsession right now...my obsession is me...working on myself so I can be a decent guy for her......and it seems so much harder now...but hey!! I try :)

Here's to you Sily baby! I miss you and I'm not afraid to say that! :) hope things work out with your guy! BIG HUG! X

No spanish for me today.....am too tired...laterz.

"On a night like this"

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SOME MILD SEXUAL REFERENCES THAT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL READERS!

Well thanks for waiting Anonymous girl ;) yeah, I've been busy with my final assessment.....I had been so pre-occupied with my girlfriend issues that i realized it affected my studies.....she has been such a selfish b*$&h lately and I have decided that don't want to keep shovelling her shit anymore! I am so pissed off at her....she needs to grow up! I'm better off waiting around for someone who is actually worth all my trouble. I still care about her and I still love her but....things have changed,she is being very childish.....I can hear the many "I SO YOU TOLD's" coming in right now....yeah yeah, okay fine you're all right! BUT she will come around I know it.....its all my fault for choosing a 17 year old as a girlfriend....she will be eighteen soon...she probably knows how I feel right now.....I could feel her anger and jealousy on the phone....our last conversation ended with "I LOVE YOU" but those words were laced with pain and jealousy from both sides......I do miss her but I already made her my choice...its all up to her now! I have faith that she will eventually make the right choice....she is a good person and I know she loves me....but she is very confused right now......it is confusing me :P

1 night with a sexy panda

We sat at the bus stop drunk with love...or probably drunk with BK cheese....I can still taste the fat in those things.....yuck! WE LOVE FAT! haha....its yummy yuck full of goodness :P

Well our night at the bus stop went on and on and on......we talked about what we wanted in our relationship and we also talked about our break up.....how we were going to break up.....so weird, what couple talks about a break up when they meet for the second time??? We knew we were going to break up and we also knew we'd get back together...we didn't know just how right we were gonna be!! she let me touch her in a special place...our make out session was getting very intense.....then a bunch of kids walked by, they must have been watching us for some time now and as they went right by us...one of the guys dropped his pants to reveal his scrawny little white a** then they all walked away laughing.....bunch of idiots! haha...we thought it was amusing but we didn't care....we were in our own little worlds :) she was so uncertain...about her feelings....maybe because we had never felt anything this intense.....I remember how she kept saying that I wouldn't like to see her without her makeup on.....we stood up and started making out.....that was super hot for me.....then she said that the buses didn't go at this time...somewhere after 11am....so I say in a very  casual voice...."so whats going to happen now?" but I had already known she was gonna take me home tonite...lol and she knew it too...she said "I'm not letting you sleep at a bus stop" So...uhm....off we went :) I was supersmiley.....but at the same time I had a very firm voice in my head telling me that I am not going to do anything but sleep...just sleep with her :) She was pretty special and I don't want to ruin things with her...we both knew that sex would ruin us....but little did I know that it wasn't literal sex.......it was just the notion of wanting someone else....but anyway, the walk to her home was exciting coz it was all new to me....we walked past the bench where she cried on the phone with me...then I sat there as if to put myself in her shoes....and see what she would have seen.....then we got to her door....and she opened up her home...it was messy but I didn't care....as long as I could rest my dizzy head....I was really love drunk....I felt like the whole thing was a dream...until she kissed me.....and hey, that was soo real :) haha...it was intense.....we couldn't keep our hands off each other....but she hit the shower.....while I explored her crib :) tried to get a feel of her....she didn't like me to go in her room...so I stayed out in her living room.....chilling on her couch....waiting for her to get into the bathroom.....we were still making out like crazy then when she finally got inside the bathroom...the light wasn't working....so she had to trust me enough and leave the bathroom door open to let the kitchen light shine through......I was tempted to peek at her but I don't like betraying anyone's trust in me...because I know how bad that feels....I sat on the couch and contemplated how I got to this...being with the girl I just met 3 days ago....being with the girl I've always dreamed about....in her house....WOW! she got out of the shower and had a suspicion that i peeked...but i didn't so she went into her room to change...she didn't want me in her room coz it was messy....understandable :) She got dressed.....in track pants and a warm long sleeved turtleneck black top and grey trackies.....she still looked great :) I prefer her looking casual..it makes her more real to me....I would also have loved to see her without her makeup but.....she wasn't ready to show me her face without makeup. I was already lying on the couch waiting for her to lie with me.....she took her damn time...lol she loved being a tease......so finally she turned out the light then she lay on top of me...and I kissed her passionately then...she lay on my side...while she looked at me....we could still see each other in the dark...and she put snuggled up close and put my left leg between her legs....she was on fire!! haha.....and we started kissing and talking then kissing again...we talked about how unbelievable our relationship has been...3 days......being so in love...how we are so connected to each other.....I really enjoyed how her hands would wander all over my body and my face....almost so naturally....I never noticed it...but I just felt it :) our kisses became more intense....I could feel her legs sqeeze....so we'd stop and take a breather...then go back to talking.....my hands started to wander.....and lol...so unaturally obvious, i moved my hand slowly down her shoulders...onto her soft ass...then up to her lovely tits.....then she slapped my hand and said "oi what are you doing?" LOL!! damn, couldn't sneak that one by....haha she was so alert....damnit! haha....and she wouldn't let me touch her boobies.....until I later calmed down and told her that I really wanted to out of curiousity....I had felt boobs before but these were.......soooo sensational...that I just felt they were fake....I mean...they were SO REAL! but....too good to be true!! they were perfectly round....well shaped....it was almost unrealistic feeling them up...although I didn't get turned on by this...weird, it was more like a curious thing not a horny guy feel......hmm...so I tell her that they were so nice....mmm.....I miss them :( I miss her too..lol but yeah thats all part of her package.....so yeah we talk about her past.....my past.....we talk about our future together and then she says....she loves me and that she is my futurewife and she falls asleep in my arms....or hmm...I think I was the one who went out first...lol.....too love drunk, I coma'd lol.......well I woke up with her...feeling so good....as if we really did do it! lol....I really had that whole "top of the morning" feeling :D haha......she was sooo happy too.....we were so happy that we made it through our first nite together without any sex :) I am so proud of her for stopping me a couple of times during the night....but I wouldn't have done it anyway, I know I'm a really strong guy when it comes to saying no :) she went to the bathroom to shower again.....I went in after then I got out got...took a crap....but forgot to flush (something that would come back to bite me in the bum later on)got dressed made our bed.....then made hot chocolate and used the left over milk....then she comes out and asks me, why I didn't tell her that her mascarra was runny! lol....she looked like a PANDA :) she was my sexy panda....and I loved her even with runny mascarra...lol silly panda.....we keep talking and her sister walks in and catches us with hot chocolate.....finds my crap in her potty,finds out we drank all the milk.....and is outraged just by everything else (coz Ayla-Jane didn't tell her where she was last night....she was with me) she wanted to kick my ass...i know it..lol I NOW KNOW HOW GOLDIELOCKS felt..lol :P and the big bear was soo unhappy! Ayla-Jane got told off.....then she came back to me....i felt VERY unwelcome so I said....I'm gonna go.....and we did eventually leave.....I walked her to work.......feeling such a sad goodbye feeling.....we get to her store...then we hold each other really tight then...let go and I kiss her and tell her I love her...and then....goodbye :( It hurt to be away from her.....but I was happy I found her :) So....yeah, we still talk to each other....but this was our story..how we met.....our status now is slightly more complicated though...but I think of these 4 days as our wonder moments ^__^ the best night of my life.....and our special moment :) I love her soo much!

My spanish word for today....SEXY PANDA LOL!! its not spanish but its still a word :P

how to fall in love with someone even more...in 4 days...yes there is more :P

Well,first off I would like to say sorry to sketches....I will add your subscription on your new email :) no, this isn't spam.....I miss you....but yeah I did something crazy....I gave her my blog address....so I know that my lovely panda is reading this ;) hi...you...uhm....friend :P

Back to my delayed coverage.....on our 4th day of KNOWING each other....I knew I had to see her....and she knew that she had to see me...or else..uhm...we'd die..yep, we'd just fall apart and stop living....maybe not literally but at least metaphorically :P I had been dreaming and wishing for this moment since.....I told her I loved her....so I call this one...hmm I'm kinda torn between 2 titles...

When our worlds collide : A journey into the unknown mysteries inside us ( in simple terms...what happens when we see each other :P) and be careful what you wish for...hmmm...okay the better bet is....drum roll :P

Be careful what you wish for:

Our forth day was perhaps the most exciting physically for both of us,or maybe just one of us...ME :P hmmm..no way, she felt it too! I know it,anyway, I talk to her then I text her the usual "I love you" and THEN I just write "cya" instead of bye or talk to you later or whatever.....so that really made me think....coz I didn't really mean to txt that,it just happened and I didn't even give much thought to it...>I wasn't even thinking I would go to see her....BUT!!! lol I went :D 

I couldn't contain such excitement inside me, I just knew I had to see her......so there I were :P I mean I was......just thinking about going up to Albany...a place that is stranger to me than mars.....or venus for that matter, I had this deep feeling inside me telling me that I had to go and that I had to see her,hold her,kiss her and be with her.....call it whatever it is you want to...but I had this feeling inside of me...I was intoxicated by her love..it made me sooo crazy :) I loved every moment of not knowing what to do next...every moment of not being able to predict the future...to have no clue what would happen next :)

A really good friend of mine offered to help me get to the right place :) thanks AZ....we left after class.....took the bus, this is where he gave me advice and told me about how women here in New Zealand are ;) its a total generalization and I never liked how people classified other people...although it was a natural thing to do, I just don't believe that what he said was true about almost all the women here.......while he did admit that the women here are well formed ;) physically, they are naturally beautiful and they have beautiful,great looking bodies....wonderfully shaped breasts....and lovely behinds, I didn't want to pay too much attention to the physical,since it is a shallow way to look at women. Anyway, I always believed that personality was more important than anything else.....I still do, but how the men are here....just makes me lose heart :( 

They guys here (this is MY generalization..lol) don't appreciate the women as much as they deserve to be appreciated, I think they are like that because there are so many beautiful women in New Zealand....so they tend to just move on.....and they're always looking for something better- an attitude that is very catchy....I feel it too, but I choose to be a decent guy. I know I always have a choice and so I try to make the right choice. I recently had my friend go through a really heartbreaking situation and he called me in the middle of the night....hey man, LN hang in there brass.....you'll pull through. We all have our issues......my issues seem to be as thin as tissues (copyright T-bag :P) I am really enjoying the ride with my current "friend" I feel so close to her and yet so far......she is a wonderful person and I truly do love her with all my heart but I know that she is still so young and she wants to grow up....and she needs to grow up.....my friend has a similar situation,however he is choosing to deal with it in a different way. 

Well, for all the 5 people who are just dying to know what happened on our forth night.....let me continue.....I went down to her store.....her workplace.....I found it, out of the many stores in that mall....I narrowed things down...like the stalker that I am inside..lol :P I walked to the door of the Jeans West and there was this beautiful woman standing at the counter.....I really thought she wasn't her, so I looked around to see if there was anyone else around.......I looked to the back where the changing rooms and then I saw her smile......so uhm...becoz i wasn't sure I smiled back and just hoped that she was the Ayla-Jane I had been craving so much! :) she was....she smiled and walked up to me....and hugged me...it was such an overwhelming feeling, but as a guy, I couldn't give that away :P so I sorta did that, weird hug....by tapping her back.....and rolling my eyes.....and looking around at all the people at the store who had stopped to watch our spectacle :P I felt a little embarrassed but totally happy.....I knew this woman so much that I didn't even hesitate to hold her and feel her body against mine....oh it was sooo good ;) we held on to each other a little longer than we should have....but I felt her hands exploring my body in a very sexual way, that was a little unsettling for me coz I am not used to girls doing that to me but I let it happen coz its her! :P

She was all over the place, I could sense that she didn't have much control over herself becoz I was around...she was so smiley and I had tried so hard to contain my smiley faces......I just was a typical macho macho man :P that was a silly thing for me to do but it was just a natural guy mechanism. She came over to me and pretended to show me some jeans for guys.....although we both knew I wasn't interested in the jeans on the shelf...I was more interested in her short black skirt.....she looked so glamorous and so hot! mmmm....I still have that memory of her playing over and over in my crazy head!....she took me to the changing rooms in the back to show me this bag (which I had pretended to be interested in :P) we wanted to kiss each other so much...it became such an obvious notion....people could just see the love and desire in our eyes, how we looked at each other :) she sat me down in the back and looked straight into my eyes......it made me feel nervous and shy....so I started looking at everything else but her beautiful eyes :) I noticed how she licked her lips and she kept saying.....so and paused briefly and then smiling, she would look deep into my eyes......and I could see how high she was........that made me even higher....we were so absorbed in each other.....her tongue kept rubbing her lips, as if to keep them glossed with her anticipation...I loved how they shined and seemingly asked for my lips to touch hers....but when I lean in towards her she stops me with a finger on my lips *(this was hot too....lol ) I stop and she looks behind me...so I turn to see what she is looking at, it is an elderly woman that walked in to change....so I get embarrassed and I just act all casual....but she didn't seem at all unsettled by this woman....she just keeps saying "not here" and I agree, although I would love to have a hot makeout session with her in a "changing room" mmmm...the idea was so hot but we both knew it was not how we wanted our first kiss......so we didn't...but we kept thinking about it...I left her to get back to work and she said for me to wait up for her......and I really felt that I should just go home coz I was a looong way from home but i was sooo happy with my installation stations....I was happy as a guy could be, by I couldn't help but think how it was for my friends and family and friend family back home...kisses...x I'm cool now, but if you wanna know what this is all about msg me....kisses.xxxxx

lol....i "coma'd" writing the above stuff...just fell asleep.....too much tequilla will killya :P I can't believe how I don't miss my family as much as I thought I would....which is so weird, coz I always thought I'd be a homesick puppy.....but hey, everything happens for a reason :) Our first kiss was at BK lol.....and it was the most incredible feeling ever.....it was just a moment that had to happen the way it happened.....we were talking about how we'd have different levels or steps of knowing each other and I said that step 3 would be....us,finally showing our love to each other physically.....so she asked me in the most innocent way (although she already knew :P) "sooo...uhm...whats step 2??? I stepped 2'd her so good after that ;) ..lol my eyes were open when I was kissing her coz I was more afraid of BK staff...lol but I still felt all her emotion in one kiss....she expressed so much desire and so much love and pleasure with just one kiss....then she wanted more but I was....shy! I didn't like being in public......and she just couldn't care less...I loved how much she wanted me.....no other woman in my life has ever wanted me so much :) but I didn't really want her because she wanted me (I am a weirdo....lol) and I think she could sense and it made her want me even more.....soooo.....she moved over to my seat and it was awkward coz she was beside me.....and I was still acting all shy..lol, then, she gets on top of me sits on my lap and faces me.......this was hott!! we make out like 2 crazy people....crazy for each other ;)

We also spend time talking....so it wasn't all about kissing that night,I loved her personality......she was such a deep thinker, just like me :) she is very smart, very funny...."crack up" her favorite funny phrase....from the way she kissed me I knew she was a sensual person...we keep talking and then she says the we are gonna break up.....I know that at some point in our relationship I will break up with this very intense and amazing woman.....but I also knew that we would find each other again.....what we have goes beyond any "love" that ANYONE has ever felt! but that made it dangerous....I get all nervous coz BK is sooo well lit...lol,even though I enjoyed kissing her so much.....a little voice in my head was saying-"what if someone sees us?" She felt this so she asked me if I wanted to go outside.....smooth :P we then went "some place quiet" more private.....so we could make out better....lol and TALK of cos....we love talking too.....we walk outside holding each other.....it was the most wonderful feeling I have ever felt.....I found her so intoxicating,so contagious,so lovable....so delicious.....I just couldn't snap out of my wonderworld!!! ^__^ 

We walked and talked until we got to a bus stop (yes our bus stop love has certainly flourished :P) We sat down and talked about how strange it was that we were sitting at the bus stop......

and thats all I'm writing today..coz I am tired...but I will continue when I have time....

my spanish word for today is : parada de autobús :)